I wish to give my heart away

 

SPIRITUAL GROWTH PRAYER

God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.

O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord.

 

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This is one prayer I enjoy reciting every morning. Many things in life corrupt my heart with feelings of discontentment, insecurity, pain, and restlessness. The moment I regain consciousness every morning is when I am most vulnerable to spiritual attack. Though I do not yet fully understand why, the result of which causes me to rely on prayer and communion with God, for it is my desire to detach from such hurtful feelings.

I supplicate God who purify and gladden my spirit. I want to be a joyful being. Seeing my prayerful, mindful, and meditative friends encourage me and inspire me to yearn for spiritual growth.

Two days ago, Tutor read this post, and told me not to worry about having nothing to say, because most of the time he spent talking to other people, he wished he could share some of the Jewels with them, but he couldn’t. Like myself, Tutor also prefers deep conversations.

 

I feel the same too. I am learning so much from the Faith, that I wish to share with my loved ones. But it is not our intend to impose. Hence, like Sri Easwaran and Ghandi, we take the silent approach, possessing a pure and kindly heart influencing others to change their ways. Or like Tutor, he teaches the Faith, not by lecturing, but by listening the opinion of others based on verses Baha’u'llah wrote. That way, he encourage people to look within themselves and reflect on the verses of God.

 

You know, in me is a heart full of love. Each day, I learn to see and feel every being as made from the same dust, possessing the same soul, under one Cause. Now, what more towards the people who reserved a special place in my heart. I want to embrace them and say how much I love them. But I can’t, due to differences in culture. So for now, I can only express my love towards Tutor and other Believers, a love for God and mankind. I hope, soon, everyone would come to understand this Love I found.

 

 

Silence

It might surprise you to know that I’m still in the process of getting acquainted with Tutor. Friendship takes time to kindle, until a point when no words are necessary to convey messages.

When Tutor and I are together, whether to study or just hanging out, I’d constantly search for things to say, fearing he might be bored. Tutor, on the other hand, seems less concerned. So it’s almost always me breaking the silence.

Today, I found a Baha’i blogger commenting on the issue of slience here.

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Bahá’u'lláh says there is a sign (from God) in every phenomenon: the sign of the intellect is contemplation and the sign of contemplation is silence, because it is impossible for a man to do two things at one time — he cannot both speak and meditate.

 

In many ways, it seems like silence can be an active force in our daily interactions, indeed Bahá’u'lláh exhorts us to “observe silence and refrain from idle talk,” a phrase that to me, implies something different than refraining from speaking, but suggests taking our time, trying to find and communicate the deeper meaning in any situation or interaction, and observing the active forces at work in the midst of silence.

 

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Interesting. Perhaps the silence between us isn’t about shyness, but rather a higher level of association in the worlds of God. It is better to listen with our hearts than resorting to idle talks. Perhaps, our friendship is beyond mere social courtesies, which I should be proud of.

 

But when I see Tutor talking animatedly with other people, I would feel envious and sorry that I cannot give Tutor as much pleasure.

It is terrible that I am seeking Tutor’s approval instead of God.

 

This article seems helpful.

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Abdu’l-Baha stated:

The differences in manners, in customs, in habits, in thoughts, opinions and in temperaments is the cause of the adornment of the world of mankind. This is praiseworthy. Likewise this difference and this variation, like the difference and variation of the parts and members of the human body, are the cause of the appearance of beauty and perfection.

I’ve been thinking a bit about the notion of the value of differences of temperaments among people, and the corollary that there is no ideal temperament, but rather each temperament has something unique to contribute to the world.

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I hope that my uniqueness would serve a purpose.